My question is, how could Aish have gotten non-orthodox dating so wrong?
Let's start with a few things.
First of all, Aish is out of touch with the rapidly changing culture of the non-orthodox world.
I posted the following comments on Facebook this morning:
I summed up my initial reaction in the following comment:
|FYI--Most people in the non-orthodox world are not ready to get married "after a few months!"|
"Five Ways to Turn Off a Guy" by Rosie Einhorn and Sherry Zimmerman
We consulted with three men who recently got married. Here’s their list of five surefire ways to make a man quickly lose interest in a budding relationship.
1. Debate with him. Alex told us, "I dated women who, from the very start, seemed to be out to prove that they were smarter or better informed than me. I got it – they were well educated, worked hard to get where they were in their careers, and wanted me to respect their intelligence, but trying to outdo me was a big turn off. I wouldn't try to argue with my date, tell her she's wrong, or get into a debate intended to end with one of us being the winner and the other the loser. That would make her feel terrible. I don't understand why some of the women I went out with did this to me. I felt emasculated and I didn't ask them out again.
"I'd tell a woman who wants to 'make a statement' not to do it when you're just getting to know each other. Get to know a little about each other, see how comfortable you feel talking, let him see the way you smile and learn what you have in common. Don't get into a heated political discussion or hear the fine details about your 'crusade'. That's not what first dates are about...or second dates. Save those deep, impassioned discussions for after you know each other a little more and want to know more about what makes each other tick."
2. Don't bother dressing nicely for a date. "If a man doesn't feel attracted to a woman within the first few dates, he's probably going to lose interest. I don't understand why a woman wouldn't want to play up her appearance by styling her hair, using a little makeup, and wearing attractive clothes. She looks better, she looks interested in making a good impression on me, and I feel good about taking her out. If a woman didn't seem to care about herself or about looking nice for me, I had no interest in continuing with her."
3. Overload your online dating profile. What does your dating profile say about you? If it's heavy with your professional and academic accomplishments and short on personality traits, it's time to rewrite it, as well as the "script" you friend use to describe you to potential dates. "Of course I want to find someone who's intelligent and capable," Max told us. "But when a woman is suggested to me, I want to hear about her character, how she relates to people, the kind of home she wants to have. It's fine to know that she's a lawyer or a stock broker or a physical therapist, but she should save the rest for LinkedIn. I'm looking for a wife, not a business associate."
4. Open up right away – about everything. You clicked right away with the new guy you're dating. His smile was so genuine, and the conversation between you just flowed. After that first date, you felt as if you'd known him for years and could be extremely open with him. So on your second date when he asked, "Why's a beautiful woman like you still single?" you decided to tell him your whole romantic history. He heard how you didn't feel good enough about yourself to date until after you had a nose job, learned that you fell into a depression after a man you thought would marry you met someone else, and found out that you and your sister didn't speak for two years after a man you both liked chose to date her. You were thinking: He's such a good listener, I can talk to him about anything! And he was thinking: This girl has boundary issues. I don't want to hear this stuff from someone I barely know. I can't wait for this date to end.
5. Pursue him. Your first date was great. So was your second. You haven't felt so optimistic about the future in a long time. He asks you out again and you want to know, "Where do you think this is going?" Instead of hearing an enthusiastic response, you notice that the positive chemistry between you seems to dissipate. That wasn't such a good idea, you tell yourself, and next time you meet a man with potential you hold back from asking the question. After the fourth date, you ask him to be your friend on Facebook and a What'sapp contact. He's one of the many you keep entertained with the latest dramas at work and the antics of your pet cat, and you also email him a couple of times during the day. When you realize he hasn't called to ask for another date after two days, you telephone him to see what's happened. You still don't realize that the faster you try to push him into a relationship, the faster he runs in the other direction.
Some men are flattered when a woman engages in mild flirtation or smiles to show her interest. They may even accept a woman's invitation for coffee or a drink. But at that point, most men need to turn the tables and become the pursuer. They're hard-wired to want to win a woman over. When a woman can't relinquish her pursuit or appears too eager to have a relationship, a man can't see her as special enough to go after and loses interest.
Yes, we plan on writing a follow up article, “Five Ways to Turn Off a Woman” Let us know what you think of the list in the comment section below.*
*Einhorn, Rosie, and Zimmerman, Sherry. "Five Ways to Turn Off A Guy." January 4, 2014.