Friday, May 4, 2018

Guest Post: A Concerned Jewish Mother Speaks Out About Kiruv

Guest Post
Thanks to TB for submitting her account of her child's experiences with aggressive ultra-orthodox Jewish outreach.




Is the ultra-Orthodox Jewish Outreach movement “brainwashing” students?

By a concerned Jewish mother


Our family practiced Conservative Judaism. My son graduated valedictorian from high school and went on to the University of Pennsylvania where he was accepted into the Wharton school of business. This was the school of his dreams and economic and finance were his career aspirations.
Our son was a person who was always surrounded by a warm family and many friends. He excelled in almost everything he tried and he was the kind of person who always put other people’s needs before his own.
During his time at the University of Pennsylvania, he was active at the gym, joined a fraternity, and excelled academically. He won an award secured a position at a prestigious investment bank in New York.  My son was at the cutting edge of his field, with a bright future and a role model to others.
But then he became involved in Jewish outreach or Kiruv organization named Meor. During his second year of college my son was approached by Rabbi Shmuel Lynn of Meor. He was offered a large sum of money (for a college student) to attend a weekly lecture series, where he was supposed to become in touch with his “Jewish roots.” He was recruited into the so-called “Maimonides Leadership Program,” which purportedly would make him somehow become a “better person” and “successful leader”.   He would attend weekly seminars and Friday “Shabbats” with other students who were raised within secular Jewish families or families that practiced Conservative Judaism or Union of Reform Judaism. These seminars were led by Rabbi Shmuel Lynn and culminated in a “FREE” trip to Israel and Poland where they were to learn about the Holocaust, the existence of God, and the importance of getting in touch with your Jewish roots.
When our son came home from the Israel trip, he had changed. He began to keep Kosher. He began to isolate himself slightly from his fraternity and his friends. He began to become more heavily involved in the Meor program.  After graduating the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania our son sat down with his father and me one night while at a Sushi restaurant and announced, “I decided I don’t want to take my job at the investment bank.  Instead I want to study in a Yeshiva in Israel – at Machon Yaacov.”   
We pleaded with him to at least spend a few years working at the investment bank before make such an abrupt change.  His father and I asked him if he would at least work for two years. And if he still wanted to give the Yeshiva a try after that we would be more likely to support it.  He reluctantly agreed.
Our son moved to Manhattan and started working in the city for the investment bank. He lived with one of his fraternity brothers who also graduated from the University of Pennsylvania.
My son went to weekly Shabbatons in New York and would met regularly with local Rabbis of the community. After one year of working at the investment bank he became involved in the West Side Kollel, Kollel Yisroel VeShimshon, where he met Rabbi Mordechai Prager. Shortly after that our son’s life took a drastic downward spiral.
First, our son declared that he would no longer work on Shabbat. And that he must leave work early to go and study at the Kollel. He also broke off an engagement after Rabbi Prager told him that he must honor “Chok Hanegiya” and was not allowed to be in the same room with his fiancé until they were married.
His relationship with his family also deteriorated. Our son’s behavior became erratic and he would run away in the middle of a sentence. He neglected his father, even when he became ill with lymphoma. He lost all care and interest in his niece and nephews.
Rabbi Prager and Rabbi Prager’s wife recommended that my son take time to study in Israel. He was then introduced to another rabbi in New York, whose name he never disclosed. This rabbi recommended that he go to study at Yeshiva Tehilas Shlomo, an ultra-Orthodox Yeshiva school run by a group of Haredi Litvak Jews.   Our son was told by the rabbis not to disclose under any circumstances where he was going. He was also told to lie to his parents and told us that he would only be going for two months. And that he would be back soon to go back to work after completing two months of Yeshiva study in Israel.
Our son left in the middle of August 2017 to Yeshiva Tehilas Shlomo in Jerusalem, which is headed by Rabbi Pinchas Leibovic. At the end of September our son announced that he was not coming back. Not in one year. Not in two years. Now our son announced that he would stay at the Yeshiva for at least five years.  He had no intention of going back to work or coming back to live in the United States. 
My husband attempted to reach out to Rabbi Pinchas Leibovic. But his calls were not returned. My daughter’s husband tried to reach Rabbi Liebovic and after a dozen attempts, a disgruntled man picked up the phone and said “I can see why he left his family. If you were my family I would leave too.”
In December 2017 our family took a trip to Israel to visit a sick family member. Our son told us that he would not be able to meet with anyone or see anyone because it would cause too much conflict.
We decided to go to the Yeshiva he attended, which is located at Ramat Hagolan 57 in Jerusalem. We found our son living in a run-down apartment. He had not showered, was unshaved, pale, dressed in a black hat, white shirt, and a black suit, soiled and covered with stains. He looked unkempt and dirty. His face showed no emotion and instead he had a flat affect, and appeared subdued and depressed.  He agreed to go to a restaurant, but would not eat any food.   
At the end of our visit he thanked me, his father, sister, and niece for coming and gave them a hug.
We were able to persuade him to come home for a visit during Pesach. He returned home in 2018 six months after beginning his studies at the Yeshiva.  Our son planned to visit us for two weeks. Immediately after coming off the plane, his brother-in-law noticed that he was quite withdrawn. Our son seemed restless and agitated in the car when music was playing and walked with his head down, looking at the ground.  When he arrived home he announced that no one could enter his room to keep it free of Hametz. 
We soon found out that the restrictions set up by his rabbis were endless, extreme, and very difficult to accommodate. He was not allowed to eat in restaurants, even if they claimed to be Glatt Kosher and were in Orthodox religious enclaves, including New Jersey and New York. Our son obsessively inspected every piece of food for very specific Hekshers. He would not use a phone, not even to navigate when he had to drive. He would not look out the window.
We agreed to all of his demands as best we could. We koshered our oven, even catered strictly Glatt kosher food and purged every bit of hametz per his instructions, following every rule he had been told by his rabbis.
But our son stopped talking to us. He would only read and study the Talmud. He woke up at 5 AM, dressed in a suit and tie, never showered, and left for the nearest ultra-Orthodox synagogue to pray or to some Hasidic Yeshiva to study.  And when he was home he would pray by himself, reading his Talmud and isolating himself from everyone that was not ultra-Orthodox, including his family and old friends.  He also said bizarre and completely uncharacteristic things. For example, during a Seder he mentioned that women do not need to use a pillow because “Women don’t need to recline, only men do.” This was rude and confrontational, which is totally unlike our son.
The rabbis from Yeshiva Tehilas Shlomo called our son as soon as Pesach was over. They wanted to check up on him to make sure he was following their restrictions and regulations in our home. After those phone calls, our son’s mood changed for the worse. He became stressed, overwhelmed, agitated, and restless. He was ill-tempered and curt with us. He stayed in his bedroom totally isolating himself. He acted depressed and did not readily communicate with us.
We were very worried about his behavior and asked our son if he would sit down and have a serious family discussion to address our concerns.
The next day, he announced that he was unable to stay in our home, eat any of the kosher food we had purchased, and was so uncomfortable that it was necessary that his visit be cut short.  Instead of a two-week visit he ended up staying for only one week. 
We begged our son and pleaded for him to stay and talk with us and have some quality time devoted to family interaction and discussion.  He repeatedly refused. 
My son was living in fear. He acted like he was in a state of horror. His mind was not his own. 
Our son was transformed by Meor and a network of “Jewish Outreach” rabbis that completely changed his life through their undue influence. He was once independent, analytical, well-informed, free thinking, happy-go-lucky soul. Now he has been distorted into a miserable, tired, rigid, condescending, racist, and empty person dependent upon his “leaders” for every basic life decision. 
Beware of the Jewish Outreach movement promulgated by ultra-Orthodox rabbis like Rabbi Mordechai Prager. What they call getting in touch with your “Jewish roots” seems more like so-called “cult brainwashing” than legitimate Jewish studies. They recruit on college and university campuses much like controversial religious groups called “cults” preying upon vulnerable and naïve students. Everyone should be more aware about who they are and how they negatively affect families. Hopefully our story will help to enlighten people and serve as a warning.



49 comments:

  1. Thank you for writing this. It was especially hard for me to read because the same thing happened to my child at Penn at the hands of Lynn. I could have written this post myself except I'm not as talented a writer as you. The facts were the nearly same, the progression the same, and the heartbreaking loss of my child the same. How long will it take before comments come into this blog blaming everyone and everything for the destruction of our families and our children's lives except Meor? Lynn and his minions are despicable, predatory creeps.

    JP

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  2. Dear Concerned Jewish Mother,

    Sorry to hear about your son. You should also be aware that many of us are born into the Orthodox Jewish cult and the enormous challenges and difficulty that we encounter as we seek enlightenment. I wrote my blog to counter Kiruv and Orthodox Jewish arguments.

    Once you are in the cult outsiders become the 'enemy'. Cult members think they have truth and create walls preventing contradictory information penetrating their shell.

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  3. hello my name is nakisha i want you all to join me to thank this man for restoring my home with my ex husband who dump me for another woman for 5 years,. At first i never believed DR OGUDUGU will be able to help me win back my EX HUSBAND from this other woman but because i still love him and need him in my life.. i work and follow DR OGUDUGU instruction and it surprise me that after 3 Days of casting the spell and working with DR OGUDUGU, my EX HUSBAND called me asking me to forgive and forget the everything he has done to me that he still love me... now myself and my husband are fulling back together and we are very happy with our new life ... all thanks to DR OGUDUGU for the great work he has done for me.. i promise to always share his good work to the whole wide world and if any body is out there passing through any relationship difficulties should kindly contact him via email: drogudugusolutionspell@gmail.com
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    ReplyDelete
  4. What can I say? Snags ain't built for kiruv.
    Seek chabad, they are more welcoming than Reform and don't bend scripture, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Substituting one ultra Orthodox cult for another is not a solution for the dishonest and deceptive recruiting practices that kiruv workers employ.

      I am disgusted by kiuv. No one should stalk our college students, or anyone for that matter, to join a religious group. This isn't like joining swim team, although kiruv workers present it as just that innocuous.

      Delete
    2. @Poster Chabad tends to target non orthodox Jews and seeks to convert them to the Chabad religion/cult. Is that what you mean by welcoming ? That is like saying Christian Missionaries are so welcoming. AND Chabad does distort 'scripture' when it suits them.

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    3. @Anonymous That is how cults and religions persist and grow. 1) Early childhood socialization 2) New recruits. I need to point out that that the USA government provides direct funding to religions and tacit support to religions. That also help the religions persist and grow. Finally, even the less extreme forms of religions provide a ready supply of people that can mutate into extremist.

      Delete
  5. Unfortunately I can understand exactly how these posters feel. My own son was involved in the Aish cult and they teach them to dismis the majority of the people from their previous secular lives. It is heart breaking. I’m ashamed to admit he is one of these Keruv rabbis influencing other non suspecting families for a lifetime of pain. Tbh they do appear quite ok through I couldn’t say happy. Always stressed and irritable and evidently overworked

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  6. I read this blog post with interest and with sympathy. Please note, though that many of your writing describes a person with clinical depression, possibly a bipolar individual, rather than someone victimized by Kiruv organizations. It seems that this individual might be suffering from mental illness, and his joining the ultra-orthodox community as manifestations of an illness. If I am wrong, I am sorry, and I mean no disrespect, but perhaps you might want to consider psychiatric help for your son.

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  7. Hello, i an not a Jew, but following Hashem..

    How could you put this comment up of nakisha at 5.29 a.m?

    Are you saying that doing this kind of 'magic'like she says about that dr... whatever.. is permissable..

    That is not good..
    annon..

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  8. I would like to say that this sounds like an individualized basis. I am a BT, in your sons shoes, and I haven't done any of those things you mentioned such as not showering, moving, showing irritation/agitation, or isolating myself. On the contrary, I have started to think MORE critically, and I have become a much happier, kinder, and more positive person in the process. I am really sorry about your specific situation, but just know that this also depends on the person.

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  9. I actually know your son and randomly stumbled upon this. I was living in the Upper West Side until recently, I went to the yeshivahs you describe and have had dozens of friends come through UPenn Meor. Like the previous poster, I am also a Baal Teshuvah. Not sure where to start but here goes - it seems your son is acting strange and that must be really hard for you and your family. Judaism should only enhance your relationship between you and him but unfortunately you perceive him being nitpicky about Halacha and acting strangely. It sounds like you've tried to be very accommodating. Most new baal teshuvahs get really into it at first, and then mellow out. It always happens. I guarantee things will progress in a positive way between you and him. He will come back to America and your relationship will improve. I know Rabbi Prager, Rabbi Lynn, Rabbi Leibovic. All are really great men, although you paint them in very negative ways, which saddens me. Have you spoken to each of them? I know this whole thing must be tough, and it has come to the point where you are posting this online to scare other people away, many BT's parents feel this way at first, but your son will mellow out, come back and have a beautiful family. Try to understand your relationship will be a little different in the future, but he has a good group of wholesome friends and will live a really nice life, although please be open minded and give it time. My parents and in-laws are so thrilled with my life and growing family - and I have gone through, maybe a little differently with daily showering, the same thing.

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    1. I lost my child to meor at UPenn over ten years ago. We have no contact. At what point do you think my child will "mellow out" and things will progress in a positive way? Do you think preying on students in this way and destroying families is alright? This is not religion, it's a cult.

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  10. I hear the smug condescending tone of a BT naively defending a kiruv system that is indefensible.

    Families are ripped apart through kiruv and you have the gall to tell this mother that it's going to be great when her son has a "beautiful family?"

    Not all families come around like yours did. Many are alienated from their children forever. Those who have different relationships with their children have strained, unnatural relationships.

    Do you honestly think it's OK to deceptively meddle into people's lives and do this?

    The poster who wrote this should be applauded for writing her story. People SHOULD be scared away from kiruv, especially at UPenn, where there their egregious reputation of deception stands out.

    Shame on you!

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  11. I empathize with this mother and to the degree that an outsider can, I understand her pain. Her son completely alienated himself from his family and friends - seemingly at the behest of his overly zealous rabbis. I would not be so quick as a previous poster to reassure this mom that her son will mellow out. Religious considerations aside, I think he need to be evaluated by a mental health professional. Based on the description, I'm concerned about his emotional health. If he would be open to it, individual therapy and possibly medication should be explored.

    I am a licensed therapist and have worked extensively with BTs and their families. When a child becomes religiously observant, it almost always impacts the family. Beyond the initial shock, some BTs and their families do a great job at maintaining or strengthening their relationship while others end up alienated and in lots of pain. I don't propose to know all the factors that make for a good relationship nor do I think that a child's decision to become more observant means disaster for the family. Good listening, respectful discussion and validation of each other's perspective can go a long way in keeping familial relationships on healthy footing.

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  12. Frum sex offender alert:
    I am writing to to the frum world to explain why I left Yiddishkite and converted to Christianity.. I was in an Ohel group home years ago ( I was in foster care too).....Ohel put me in Yeshiva Chaim Berlin ... I became frum in Chaim Berlin and stayed frum for 20 years...I just want to let all frum jews know....The reason why I left Yiddishkite and converted to Christianity is because for years I was sexually molested by rabbi Jonathan Max YEMACH SHMO FOREVER in the Yeshhiva Chaim Berlin dormitory ...The pain was just too much to handle... Now I am healing in church almost every Sunday....Real sad story...Keep minor children away from Rabbi Jonathan Max!!
    יִמַח שׁמוֹ וְזִכְרוֹ שֶׁל רבּיַי מקס מַמָשׁ לְעוֹלָם וָעד

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  13. Matthew,

    Sexual predators are terrible people, but that has nothing to do with Judaism. When somebody does a terrible sin which is clearly forbidden by Judaism, that person should be ostracized. What does this have to do with Judaism?

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  14. I hope this post will help parents and families navigate the understandable conflict that can arise when a family member embraces Judaism.
    Judaism is not about extremism. Anything can be taken to an extreme, but that is almost always very unhealthy and not condoned. For example, the Torah commands us Jewish men to guard their eyes from looking at immodestly dressed women so as not to come to think erotic thoughts. A healthy Jewish attitude is to look away from or close one's eyes when confronted with someone who is dressed such. However, people who tend to take things to an extreme may come to walking around with their eyes closed. Another example is that studying Torah is a very important and beautiful Mitzvah and we are encouraged to put much effort into this endeavor. A person who take things to an extreme may come to stop talking to people, ignore family responsibilities, and become a zombie, ignoring the world and just learning. The same goes for eating kosher, making Pesach etc. There are laws and then their is acting in an extreme way. This can be due to a person being unfamiliar with Judaism and thinking he is doing the right thing by acting in the extreme or perhaps being taught by a teacher who has an unhealthy and extreme outlook of Judaism. Either way, for almost everybody, observing the Jewish commandments or practicing good deeds in an extremist manner is a very unhealthy approach to observing the God given commandments. It is possible that there is a Jewish school with extremist views and you should make sure to steer clear of it. It is best to stay with the universally renowned Jewish schools that teach Judaism, such as Aish Hatorah.

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    1. You lost me on the first sentence where you said the "understandable conflict that can arise when a family member embraces Judaism." UNDERSTANDABLE??? No, it isn't understandable. It's WRONG. Any group that recruits members & causes family conflicts is a problem.

      You may think in your mind that you are not practicing an extreme form of Judaism, but to my way of thinking you are. Aish Hatorah is the problem, not the solution.

      Delete
  15. I converted to Judaism and joined a Baal Tshuva yeshiva in Jerusalem, similar to your son. I don't know what to say. It's f'd. Living at a yeshiva is an ideological pressure cooker. Most people cave in to social pressure and participate fully. Since I started out as non-Jewish, I think I had an added defense. Eventually I couldn't take the conformity anymore and stopped participating.

    Of course, that was after giving 4-5 years of my life to Orthodox Judaism.

    And after ostracizing myself from my family (like your son did) and all of my peers.

    It is a cult, but it always has been.

    You are a branch of a larger tree, and that whole thing is a cult.

    The people speaking out against the entire tree are branded racists and untouchable.

    Hypocracy all the way down... =\

    The judgement you felt from him, others feel from the entire Jewish community.

    It's a fractal.

    I've spent years thinking about it, and I don't know what wisdom I've attained.

    At the end of the day... today... I try to focus on my smallest circle of influence. I try not to polllute the environment. Try to minimize carbon emissions. Try to be kind.

    Humans, huh? Uncertainty, vulnerability, awkwardness...

    I just hope our species survives what we're doing to the Mother Earht (and Wall Street seems to be in the driver's seat).

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    1. Do you think you were encouraged to separate yourself from your family? I ask because I think the kiruv system encourages distance & the cutting off of families when families don't go along with the program. Then they blame alienation on the families, not on the kiruv system. Rabbis & kiruv workers call family separation an anomaly or develop amnesia & can't remember when this ever happened before. I'd like to know what your experience was.

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  16. I just posted the anonymous comment. If you'd like to contact me my email is: daniel.poynter@gmail.com

    I'm sorry for what happened to your son. I think my parents felt similar pain as you as I sped off into Orthodox Judaism.

    Thank goodness for blogs like this. It literally helped me maintain my sanity when I was in that ideological pressure cooker of yeshiva.

    (If you haven't been you don't understand. Wake at 7am. Pray with 30 other men. Pray before breakfast. Speak about Torah at breakfast. Classes about Torah. Pray before lunch. Speak about Torah at lunch. Afternoon classes about Torah. Pray with 30 other men in the afternoon minyan. Classes about Torah. Pray before dinner. Talk about Torah at dinner. Pray with 30 other men at evening minyan. Study Torah in the beis ha medresh with everyone else until 8 or 9. Go back to your room. Fall asleep. Start over. Rinse and repeat for months and months and months and months. No internet. No outside world. A bunch of intense, idealistic men striving to escape the sin of masturbation and a seemingly corrupt world. Ugh.)

    Here's some of my story: https://www.appliedideals.com/daniel-poynter

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    1. Daniel thank you for sharing your experience. Imagine being born into an Orthodox Jewish family within an extended Orthodox Jewish family within an Orthodox Jewish community. This is brain washing from birth and pressure for the rest of your life. Orthodox Judaism shares many features with cults.

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  17. I encourage anyone reading this conversation to check out these few minutes of a video:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrQyduTQRkI#t=41m10s

    This participate video is about another fundamentalist religion, and so a different "thought reform" experience. The principles carry over I think though.

    I was also moved greatly by this part: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrQyduTQRkI#t=36m03s

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  18. Let your son have a 10 minute conversation with me-- his will get his mind back at the end of it.

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  19. I am very sorry about what happened to your son. However I wanted to thank you. My son was also the valedictorian and now a junior at Wharton and also in a Fraternity. He told me last Firday that he was going to an overnight retreat for shabbat with his rabbi at Penn. The next day out of the blue my son mentioned to me that he was thinking of going to Israel to study torah for a year following graduation. He was raised as a conservative Jew and I am all for his connection to Judiasm and studying Torah and doing Mizvot. However, this was a shock because he just accepted an amazing job that he wanted so badly a couple weeks before. AND he is already planning to study abroad in Israel for his junior spring. So I spoke to him and tried to see where this was coming from. However, he was very resistant to any thing negative I was suggesting about his idea. Normally he is always very open to considering my opinions. So I told him I would call him later to discuss his potential plan. I then googled "jewish recruiting of college students cult" and I immediately saw your post. The similarities were shocking. It was if you were writing about my son. I called my son and asked what organization he was thinking of going to Israel with and he said MEOR. I sent him your story and it quickly got through to him and it helped him realize that at 20 years old, he was more susceptible to being unduly influenced. We agreed that if he went to Israel for a year to study that he wouldn't necessarily spend the rest of his life alienated from his family but it was certainly possible and why take that risk? After all look what happened to him after just a single night retreat. He could study as much as he wanted right here. Why be under the control of an organization for an entire year while he studies all day and night? Why walk away from an amazing job? So I am eternally grateful for you sharing your story and potentially saving my son.

    Thank You

    Keith

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    1. The year in Israel can dangerous for some people. There is no need for it. You can be Orthodox in America too, or Europe, wherever. That year in Israel can be pretty intense in a bad way. You are pulled away from your support systems and are vulnerable to some seriously high pressure manipulation. Meor is a feeder program for Machon Shlomo, which is one of the more cultish places. I'm not saying Orthodox Judaism is a cult. But within it, there are some problematic groups.

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    2. Meor is run by the same guys who run Machon Shlomo, which in the 1980s was a full-fledged cult. I was there. And I say this as a person who is Orthodox and does not see OJ as being a cult. MS used all the cult techniques: deceptive recruiting, isolation, control, shaming, deprivation, pitting you against the world, elitism, grandiosity, thought-stopping. It was a horror. The other BT schools have their issues but they are not cults in my view. MS was and probably still is to a large extent. Maor sends guys to Machon Shlomo. It's a front group, which pretends you'll do Judaism on your terms. Then they take control of you. Don't go near Machon Shlomo or Maor. If you want to be Orthodox, there are better ways. Try any other organizations.

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    3. Hi I was wondering how you continue with your orthodox life after machon shlomo? How do you know which orthodox groups are cults or not? I would love to correspond over email or phone as I've been struggling with these questions.

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    4. Took me a long time to heal after that place. I had to reclaim my basic human dignity, for that's what cults take from you. You identify cults by their various practices and traits. In general, if you are being robbed of your brain, your identity, and your will, there's a problem. The imposition of a religious-legal system like the halacha doesn't necessarily mean that. In fact, the yoke of Torah, as they call it, can be liberating. It all depends how you go about it. If you study places we all agree are cults - the Moonies, Jonestown, what Patty Hearst went through in captivity, you see the traits: control, isolation, thought programming, shaming, sleep deprivation, radical alteration of identity, thought stopping, phobia inducement, elitism, an us verses them mentality, irrational loyalty to the leaders, et. al. Some of these descriptors I got from Steve Hassan. Watch his videos or get his books, you'll learn a lot about cults. There are many Orthodox groups that come on too strong and mishandle beginners in particular. But they are not necessarily cults. They are mostly just myopic and you can counter their negative aspects if you look around the Torah and find all the passages that talk of the importance of the dignity and autonomy of each person. I have scores of them. Some places to look Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik, Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch, the Lubavitcher Rebbe. You can write to me here: opinion at outlook.co.il .

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  20. I read the article and many of the comments. I think there are two factors here. First Mother is upset son is not living HER dream (prestigious college, jobs, etc) and seeking his own dreams (Torah learning which is less glamorous but was probably more fulfilling for the boy at the time). She and family didn't support so son had to alienate them to live the life he wanted. But unfortunately there also seems to be a mental health element here. Not showering, wearing stained clothing, has NOTHING to do with Judaism. The kid does seem troubled and could probably use major therapy. But I don't feel the kiruv is the cause of the mental illness. Many mental health issues are discovered at young adulthood when people are most vulnerable. I've heard of undiagnosed bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc. all surfacing at this age. Even if son had continued the mother's secular dream it is possible the boy would have struggled with something, could be drinking, drugs who knows.

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    1. This is an uneducated comment. The “kid” is an adult who has been coerced into a religious belief. He has suffered brain damage due to these “Rabbis.” Don’t get it confused with “learning “ about Judaism.

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  21. Also we never heard the boy's side to his upbringing. Just because Mom thinks he had a happy childhood doesn't mean he felt that. Maybe he felt he just had to follow whatever plans his parents set forth for him and this was first time he was able to make his own decisions... Interesting article and important for kiruv professionals to read it and see how "other" side feels. I know that some young and over ambitious, inexperienced kiruv people DO say stupid things to the parents that only hurt and distance them, so they do need to learn how to explain to parents what is going on with their child in a warm, embracing way that reassures them they as parents did NOTHING wrong. In fact they raised a very deep thinker who wants to look at life from all different angles.
    Btw my husband went on similar journey where he embraced a Torah lifestyle in his late teens and his parents were VERY upset. After several years of alienation, they realized it was his life and he gets to choose how to live it. The more my husband felt accepted and supported by his family in his new identity the happier and warmer the relationship became. I met my husband years later (in his early thirties) and my m.i.l loved me (an Orthodox woman). Needless to say she also adored her granddaughter. My husband and I followed the Torah dictum to honor our parents and she felt very loved and cared for by us. Unfortunately both his parents are since deceased. Just want to put out there, there ARE happy endings to some of these challenging kiruv alienations. My m.i.l. did have stupid, hurtful stuff said to her by so called "kiruv professionals", and we validated her experience. I see both sides: Parents need to allow children to live their OWN lives and those who do kiruv need to learn how to talk to the parents appropriately. Sorry for all the pain this Mom is going through. It sounds heartbreaking. I hope it has a happy ending.

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    1. @CT "Parents need to allow children to live their OWN lives" If so why is that Religious parents coerce their children even thru adulthood to follow the religion of the parents ?

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  22. Coercion is dysfunctional. I'm sure it occurs in every demographic. Thank G-d I have never seen it in my social circles. I know many Orthodox people with kids who are not religious and I'm sure it was a painful journey for the parents just like the Mom here expresses, but the kids are part of their lives like the rest of the family. Coercion is NEVER ok.

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    1. @CT Maybe you have very limited social circles. Coercion is part and parcel of most of Orthodox Jewish culture. BTW I have witnessed this stuff first hand and it is painful to watch. It occurs in subtle and overt forms.

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  23. I also have quite a bit of experience with kiruv and even with Meor. I have talked to more than one hundred Meor students on different on different campuses.

    You say you lost your son? You think Meor took him? People cut each other off for reasons. Maybe he cut you off. I don't know his reasons. Are you still not accepting him for what he is, a Jew? What are your reasons?

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    1. This comment fully convinced me that kiruv is a cult.

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    2. Annoymous, I see that you have that heartless obnoxiousness down to a science. Can you say something helpful now?

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  24. people,families that do not learn Torah and live a Torah life tend to not be Jewish families within 3 or so generations. Your great grandmother is smiling down on him, trust me., and if she's not yet, she will be when he gives her healthy Jewish great-great-grandchildren.

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    1. The grandmother is not smiling on a child that has been ruined by false Judaism. If the kid is turned into a nut, she's not smiling.

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  25. I’m a goy. I am jealous of your son. I wish I had the privilege of being kidnapped and being set straight by some “cult” leaders who are saving me from eternal punishment. My name is Ruben Mariscal. In my opinion, these rabbis love your son more than you do. You allowed your son to break God’s most holy commandment—Sabbath. You ought to be grateful to God that your son was taken to be filled with His gift to the Jews: His Holy Commandments. Now, your son will be loved by God. Hopefully you become observant, too; maybe this way you can help bring The Messiah, and save yourselves in the process.

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  26. I’m a goy. I am jealous of your son. I wish I had the privilege of being kidnapped and being set straight by some “cult” leaders who are saving me from eternal punishment. My name is Ruben Mariscal. In my opinion, these rabbis love your son more than you do. You allowed your son to break God’s most holy commandment—Sabbath. You ought to be grateful to God that your son was taken to be filled with His gift to the Jews: His Holy Commandments. Now, your son will be loved by God. Hopefully you become observant, too; maybe this way you can help bring The Messiah, and save yourselves in the process.

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  27. I’m a goy. I am jealous of your son. I wish I had the privilege of being kidnapped and being set straight by some “cult” leaders who are saving me from eternal punishment. My name is Ruben Mariscal. In my opinion, these rabbis love your son more than you do. You allowed your son to break God’s most holy commandment—Sabbath. You ought to be grateful to God that your son was taken to be filled with His gift to the Jews: His Holy Commandments. Now, your son will be loved by God. Hopefully you become observant, too; maybe this way you can help bring The Messiah, and save yourselves in the process.

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    1. RuRu, there are plenty of cult leaders willing and able to save you from eternal punishment. Too bad you missed your chance to ride on the Hale Bopp comet with Heaven's Gate, but you can still join Scientology, the Westboro Baptist Church or Jews for Jesus. Since you're a goy I assume you're open to all religions. If Judaism's your thing just hang out by a college campus and let Meor Maimonides suck you into their brand of fundamentalist ultra orthodox Judaism.

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    2. The point is you don't have to be dirty and smelly and broke to be saved from eternal damnation. Finding God doesn't have to break your mind. In fact, it should build your mind.

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  28. Hi can you enable comment editing on this site?

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