Project Inspire's Yom Kippur Make Them Orthodox Fundraiser!

     This afternoon, the following Yom Kippur fundraising appeal from Project Inspire graced my inbox. I've taken the liberty of highlighting a few noteworthy phrases.

inShare

 

Dear Friends, During these days of Tishrei . . . you and I joyously proclaim and coronate Hashem as King of the entire world . . . but 90% of the Jewish people have no idea what that means. Please join Project Inspire’s unique mission of thousands of committed Jews bringing back our 5 million swiftly vanishing brothers and sisters to Avinu Shebashamayim. With your help, Project Inspire will reach out to the masses of our brothers and sisters. PLEASE CLICK ON THE AMOUNTS BELOW TO DONATE: $54      One on One Learning – enables a frum person to learn              b’chavrusa with a secular Jew   $250   Series of Inspiration - after work networking event with dinner              and Torah speaker   $500   Shabbat Retreat – connect hundreds of less-affiliated Jews with              frum families and communities   $1,000 J-Inspire Life Changing Trips to Israel -  send hundreds of              secular women to Israel with our trained and motivated lay frum              women With your support . . .  Hundreds of not yet observant women will go on a life-changing 10 day trip to Israel accompanied by (anything but) ordinary frum women who through J-Inspire recruit and take responsibility to follow up with the women so that they in turn may influence their entire families to increased Jewish commitment.   Our Community Kiruv Shabbatons in frum neighborhoods will host a thousand-plus marginally affiliated students, singles and families for an unforgettable Shabbos.   Project Inspire’s “already observant” population will experience the joy, inspiration and z’chus of reaching out to the Almighty’s children AND THEREBY strengthen themselves, their families and often at-risk teens and adults that they know . . . or what’s known as Chizuk and Kiruv Kerovim.   Hundreds of less observant Jews will be matched to study Torah one on one with Project Inspire participants.   Monthly Evenings of Inspiration in Manhattan restaurants and offices host 50 professionals, less connected Jews invited by Project Inspire participants, to connect with each other and learn about Judaism   Thousands of less connected Jews will receive Holiday gifts and inspiring cards from frum neighbors, co-workers and relatives to connect them to Judaism and Jews. When we stand before Hashem, let us declare that we have done all that we could to connect our fellow Jews to the Melech al kol ha-aretz.  May our Kiruv actions hasten the Bias HaMoshiach, bimheira vyameinu.  Thank you for your contribution to Project Inspire. Best wishes for a Gmar Chasimah Tovah, Rabbi Chaim Sampson                                                         Director, Project Inspire                                        Rabbi Mordechai Tropp Executive Liaison P.S. To donate by mail, please mail your check to Project Inspire 5774 Campaign at the address below.

    Before I get to the more serious part of this post, I'd like to thank Project Inspire for taking the time to try to keep us non-orthodox Jews from vanishing. *Poof* I hate when that happens. Unfortunately, Project Inspire's methodology in keeping Jews from disappearing en masse, is to make them all orthodox.
     Once again, understand the problems inherent in Project Inspire's message to its supporters, and bear in mind that Project Inspire is affiliated with Aish International (Aish HaTorah,) a major outreach organization. There is a huge lack of respect for non-orthodox Jews, evidenced by the very words they use to describe those who are not orthodox: "less connected Jews," "less observant Jews,""marginally affiliated,""less affiliated," and my personal favorite, "not yet observant." Project Inspire is making gross assumptions about other Jews,  all the while convincing their orthodox supporters, or as they call them the "already orthodox population," that non-orthodox Jews are somehow inferior, non-practicing, lacking in knowledge, spirituality, and/or a connection to the Jewish community. Project Inspire also believes, based on their wording, that it is their responsibility to change those they meet.
     Project Inspire doesn't try to hide that their goal is to churn out newly orthodox Jews. The use of the phrase "not yet observant" makes this exceedingly clear. Not yet implies that something hasn't happened by the present time, but it is expected to happen at some point in the future. While that should be obvious, it still should be considered closely. Further proof of this is in Project Inspire's  use of the term "already orthodox," implying that this orthodoxy has happened to a certain portion of the population by the current time.
     Of the kiruv rabbis and former kiruv rabbis I've encountered, and from blogs, comments, and opinion pieces I've read, it seems that a lot of people in kiruv are quick to deny that their goal is to make anyone orthodox. And yet, Project Inspire, which bills itself as "A Program of Aish International" and has a kiruv.com copyright, is very open about trying to make non-orthodox people frum--at least when it comes to attempting to attract donors for  their fundraiser. But I wonder, are they this honest about their intentions when meeting with the "not yet observant?"

Honesty: The Best Policy

     It was recently brought to my attention that this blog, Jewish Outreach: What Your Rabbi Isn't Telling You, is being discussed on Imamother,  a rather busy and diverse forum for orthodox women.  Imamother community users range from liberal Modern Orthodox to Far Right Charedi and everything in between, both Litvish and Hasidic, who come from a broad range of nationalities, and fall into a wide spectrum of ethnic identities. When I heard that my blog was reaching this group, I was both happy and concerned, unsure of how the views of this blog would be received. Given the extreme nature of the blog address ("stopkiruvnow" doesn't really make for easy alliances I've been told,) I was surprised to see that people even bothered to read any of the posts at all.
     But you know what I found?
     I found an intelligent, honest, four page discussion in response to my post "Aish HaTorah and Multilevel Marketing Scams." Many women, presumably of the orthodox world, agreed that kiruv is not always done responsibly. A few felt that it isn't right to try to make people religious, and someone stated that kiruv should not be done at all. Some felt that with so many other religions and cults existing, that Jewish outreach is doing what has to be done, e.g. using marketing tactics such as slick advertising, etc., in order to draw people in. One commenter expressed that

The reason the comparison [to multilevel marketing] is apt is because the MLM marketing hides the negative aspects of the product, and kiruv does also. You only find those out yourself after you have already paid the price. Then you resent the seller. I would have appreciated more honesty and transparency [in kiruv.]1

 She then listed some of the issues that are often withheld from those venturing into orthodoxy. What surprised me most was that there are people within the orthodox world who agree that dishonest and deceptive kiruv practices have to change.
     Blogger Shilton HaSechel posted his own rant against kiruv back in 2010 in which he stated:

Talking about manipulation, Kiruv Organizations should not be using marketing strategies. Sure if you're selling a vacuum it's bad marketing to mention that it's gonna die a day or so after the warranty - but this is something worse than a vacuum these are PEOPLE's lives. What do I mean by marketing strategy? Well, if a a non-frum girl goes and ask an Aish Hatorah guy what the status of woman is in Judaism he's not gonna whip out those delightfully backwards Gemarot which say tons of sexist things. Nope! Not even going to mention that a woman is considered in the Gemara too "crafty" to learn Torah, and too unreliable to be a witness. Kiruv Organizations sugar coat all the rough bits of Judaism and shelter their adherents from them until waaaay too late. THAT is pure manipulation - taking advantage of someone's ignorance about Judaism in order to only present the "fun" bits.

Be honest! I want every Kiruv Organization to be HONEST. If someones ask the Rabbi "Hey Rabbi what does the Gemara say about non-Jews" I want the Rabbi to say first "It thinks they're a bunch of donkeys with the emissions of horses" and only THEN make the excuses. I want the Rabbi to read all the demonology bits and read some choice Biblical passages about stoning and genocide. Go ahead! Present all the nice bits too BUT make sure to honestly present the good and the bad EQUALLY. If you lose "souls" 'cuz of you're brutal honesty then at least you know you're not lying to people. 2

Early on in his post, he feels the need to impress upon his readers that he is not against orthodoxy. I feel the same way, but unfortunately what seems to be the norm is the idea that if a person looks at aspects of Judaism or orthodoxy critically, that he/she is anti-Semitic, a self-hating Jew, or anti-Orthodox. While I cannot speak for everyone, I can speak for myself. I don't "hate" orthodoxy, nor do I hate Jews, and I actually kind of like myself. It's the deception that is used--not all of the time, and not by everyone--to pull people into a lifestyle that they otherwise might not have chosen on their own, that I find problematic. I've read forums in which comments were made that sharing the negative aspects of orthodoxy might turn people off to becoming more religious. I believe that more damage is being done in the long run by withholding information.
     Back in 2009, orthodox guest poster Chabakuk Elisha posted his perspective on kiruv from the world of Chabad, on the blog "A Simple Jew" in an article entitled "Kiruv vs. Soul Mongering." He begins with a few excellent questions.

Let me start by asking if kiruv can be considered humane, ethical, moral, healthy or good? Is it even mentchlach [humane] to try to convince people to reject their families, backgrounds, friends, perhaps wives and children, and completely change their lives to join a community that in all likelihood they will always struggle to be a part of? Is that even fair? Is that really good for the individual prospective Baal Teshuva?3

While Chabakuk Elisha ultimately believes that Chabad does better outreach (as a whole entity) than other groups, he is honest in stating that there are problems. These problems often stem from the perception of those within kiruv. He states:

I think sometimes people forget that the potential mekurav [recruit] is a real person. He/she has a life, family, background, etc. They were raised a certain way and have certain responsibilities. They love and are loved. And all those things are important and need to be considered carefully – I can’t reconcile carelessly ripping people away from all of that and turning them into virtual orphans superimposed onto a society that’s often quite foreign, and sometimes remains foreign forever. How can we do that to people?4

     This goes back to previous posts on this blog where I've pointed out that even orthodox blogs, such as Beyond BT, have discussed at length that people who became orthodox from non-orthodox backgrounds often find that the world that they joined was very different from the world that they were sold. And while some of this may have had to do with the community that BTs ended up joining, solving the problems by moving to other possibly more open or welcoming communities is not always an answer. This goes back to the idea of deception. Why not be upfront about the problems before they become problems, so that people who truly want to become orthodox can successfully preempt them, and so that people who may have second thoughts can follow a different path before they get locked into a lifestyle that may not suit them? The writer continues:

 I find it to be very troubling for some guy with nothing to lose to tell anyone to turn their life upside down, in every way, and to heck with the consequences ....  But it seems to me that some of my frum brethren find this unacceptable .... they feel that [a] family [interested in, for example, observing some aspect of Shabbat--the Sabbath,] must suddenly go all the way or none of the way .... To some, kiruv is along the lines of other missionary groups that are seeking to save your soul – they aren’t interested in any single act or progression – they are looking to only to for complete and total transformation to their lifestyle. 5

     What's important to note in all of these cases is that criticism and discussion of kiruv's problems is not relegated to a small subset of disgruntled former baalei teshuva who've since left orthodoxy. When people make that assumption, it's just another excuse to sweep real problems under the proverbial carpet instead of looking critically at issues that affect all who are in some way touched by Jewish outreach.






1. "Marina." posted at August 26, 2013, 10:13AM in "Kiruv = Multi-Level Marketing," on August  Imamother. August 25, 2013.
2.HaSechel, Shilton. My Rant Against Kiruv Organizations. Shilton HaSechel. September 7, 2010.
3. Chabakuk Elisha. Kiruv vs. Soul Mongering. A Simple Jew. March 5, 2009.
4. ibid.
5. ibid.

Shedding Light on Meor

This post is dedicated to my good friend, A.C.

      In researching campus kiruv/outreach a while back, I stumbled upon this letter on a site named "Parents of Meor Kids" and realized that I needed to look more into Meor.

Parents of Meor Kids. https://sites.google.com/site/parentsofmeorkids/ (click to enlarge)

Meor is one of many Jewish campus outreach organizations. They run the Maimonides Leaders Fellowship program, in addition to sponsoring highly subsidized trips abroad to destinations in both Europe and Israel. According to one of their many websites, Meor was "founded in the late-1990s at the University of Michigan [and] the Maimonides Leaders Fellowship has since spread to 35 campuses throughout North America and Israel. The program, spanning a college semester, engages students with the texts and concepts of their Jewish heritage in a mature and sophisticated manner."1

Trips and retreats are a premier attraction for many of the mitnagdic outreach groups. That’s how the Maimonides Leaders Fellowship program got started. The MLF is an offshoot of the University Heritage Society, which runs “Heritage Retreats” of a week or longer at California ranches.
The MLF also invites student applicants to participate in a semester-long program of Orthodox education and immersion, with a cash stipend as incentive. Students meet every week for classes in Jewish leadership and literacy, and for breakout discussion groups focusing on such issues as “dealing with relationships with family, with girlfriends,” according to the program’s founder, Rabbi Mordechai Kreitenberg. The students also spend weekends in Orthodox communities as part of the program.
The MLF’s Web site, where students can apply, shows no indications of the program’s Orthodox foundation. Indeed, it serves a population that is almost entirely non-Orthodox on entrance. But that isn’t to say that these students aren’t Orthodox when they leave the program. The MLF maintains statistics based on student surveys, in which 77.4% of last year’s graduates said they have taken or have plans to take “steps to increase your personal observance,” and 38% “attended programs in Israel or the United States that allowed them to further explore their Judaism,” such as those provided by Aish HaTorah.2

(Aish HaTorah is one of the largest outreach/kiruv centers currently in existence. Not only do their programs turn out ba'al teshuvas (newly religious people,) they also turn out kiruv rabbis--rabbis specially trained to recruit people into an orthodox lifestyle. Aish HaTorah's Beis Medrash Program's webpage proclaims that "our programs have produced hundreds of dedicated, qualified leaders, serving in positions throughout the world in kiruv, rabbinics, and other important Jewish leadership roles, as well as proud "rank and file" Jews to whom commitment to Jews and Judaism is uppermost in their lives."3)
     Meor's websites are beautifully made and filled with information, even going as far as to create several in-depth FAQ pages. So prepared is Meor for the inevitable questions from parents that they even provide a FAQ page specifically made in order to allay parents' concerns. Strangely, one of the questions they answer is this:

Does MEOR pressure students to become more observant?

No.  MEOR’s approach is to explain the “why” of Jewish traditions and practices, encouraging students to ask questions and think for themselves.  For example, students interested in social justice discover the foundational concepts in Jewish philosophy, ethics, Torah and tradition that are relevant to tikkun olam. Students who want to learn more about why someone might choose to keep kosher have the opportunity to explore the meaning of kashrut and issues relevant to contemporary life.4

Apparently, this must be a concern of parents if the organization feels the need to put it on their FAQ page. But what really makes me uncomfortable is this ad.

Ad for Maimonides Leaders Fellowship from the Meor at Emory site.
(click to enlarge)

Additional Requirement for Meor's Maimonides Fellowship.
(click to enlarge)

Meor offers students the opportunity to get paid to take their course OR to put their $300 towards an already subsidized Meor trip to Israel. They mention this on their Parent FAQ page as well: 

Why do the students receive a stipend? Are they being “paid” to study?

In today’s world of escalating college costs and financial pressures on families, MEOR recognizes that the time students are committing to the program is significant, valuable and not eligible for academic credit.  Thanks to the support of generous donors, we provide a small stipend to students who complete the Maimonides program.  Some students apply this stipend toward a MEOR-sponsored trip to Israel.5

How can they guarantee that there will be "an observant Jewish wedding" for their participants to attend?
(click to enlarge)

While it sounds very nice that they're looking out for finances, knowing that Meor is a kiruv organization makes this seem less than an innocent stipend. College kids are always looking for extra cash and this is a huge draw. One night a week for two hours (on top of a full course load, possibly a part-time job, certainly some sort of a social life...) should be fine, right? Two community shabbatons? Sure, great deal! A wedding? A cool dinner? Free food? Awesome! Meor at George Washington University in DC also gives some information about their program's requirements, and puts pressure on students to show up to all that is listed, otherwise they don't receive the full stipend. However, I have some questions.

1.  If Meor didn't offer a stipend, would they have trouble drawing an audience for their program? And if that's so, then why not better the program so that it can stand on its own, rather than attracting people with promises of cash? A truly outstanding program should be able to attract people on its own merit and not need cash incentives, right?
2. If these Meor programs are being billed as, for example "Meor at Emory," and their websites show the University name, then why are these universities not giving course credit? Or is Meor not really affiliated with any of these schools, and just happens to be on or near these campuses? By using the names of the universities on their websites, are they just really trying to earn your trust? Hey, if it has my school's name, it can't be bad, right? But is Meor really endorsed by any of these schools? (I'll give you a hint: I called U. Penn to ask about Meor this past spring semester and the best they could do was direct me to Hillel, because they knew Hillel was also a Jewish organization. Otherwise, the Registrar knew nothing about the Maimonides Program, and nothing about Meor. Meanwhile, I was sure, based on their website, that Meor was affiliated or endorsed by the university.)
3. Who are these generous donors who are giving money to Meor? And why are they doing so? What is their goal?
4. Based on Meor at GW University's statement, I'd like to know how Meor can guarantee that there will be an "observant Jewish wedding" for the students to attend. Is this program arranging weddings of former participants in order to facilitate this requirement? Are they working with kosher catering halls?
5. Let's say a student really wants that $300 stipend. Maybe they want the cash. Or maybe they want to use the money to go on a Meor trip. If a student starts to do poorly in his/her university courses, but is spending a lot of time with Meor, how does the Meor staff handle this? Do they discourage the student from staying with Meor? Do they have a minimum GPA that must be maintained in order to remain part of Meor? Or is it a matter of once you're in, you're in, and you won't be turned away?
6. Two hours a week isn't too bad. But what additional time constraints are really being put on students? How much time is actually being spent at Meor? Or is it two hours and that's it, they toss you out until the following week? For some reason, I don't think that two hours covers any more than the actual course time.

     I've had the honor of attending speeches given by President Bill Clinton and the Dalai Lama.  I've sat through many classes given by prominent and not-so-prominent rabbis. And I've completed both a BFA and an MA, and had professors and advisors who were really fabulous. All of these people--teachers, religious leaders, political leaders--were intriguing. Their words made me think. And as a teacher, I know that a good discussion makes students think, question, and want to learn more. So, when I read this quote, supposedly from a student, on the Meor at Washington D.C.'s website, I was a bit concerned: 

“There are few times in my life where I’ve been so enthralled in someone speaking that I literally feel paralyzed in both thought and motion.” SS GWU ’13"6 

See, because as a parent and an educator, when a student is enthralled to the point of physical and mental paralysis, I have to wonder. Does this mean that this student was so fascinated that his/her mind just stopped ... working critically? The use of the word "literally" makes me wonder if this is a cry for help. ("Help! I cannot move or think--literally--really--you've got to help!") Yes, I'm being a stickler for word choice here, and I'd do the same to my students or my own children if they wrote this line. And it makes me wonder if Meor thought about this statement before putting it on their site, and it makes me wonder about what was really going on in that student's subconscious when choosing those words.  
     While Meor's numerous sites give a lot of positive information on the work they do, it is necessary to look critically at Meor and all campus kiruv organizations and not allow our own critical thinking skills to become "paralyzed" in the face of ultra-orthodox Jewish outreach. 

1. Meor @ Emory University http://emory.meor.org/maimo accessed August 8, 2013.
2. Weiss, Steven I., Orthodox Rethinking Campus Outreach. The Jewish Daily Forward. January 20, 2006. Issue of Jan. 20, 2006.  http://forward.com/articles/1518/orthodox-rethinking-campus-outreach/
3. Aish HaTorah. Aish International. Aish.com accessed August 17, 2013. http://www.aish.com/ai/ip/Beis_Medrash_Program.html
4. Parent FAQ page. Meor. www.meor.org accessed August 17, 2013.
5. Ibid.
6.  S.S. George Washington University. Meor Washington DC. accessed August 17, 2013. http://dc.meor.org/maimo

How About the Easy Gift of Respect?

Click to enlarge. Project Inspire (affiliated with Aish HaTorah) is
selling outreach gifts for the "less-affiliated."

     Yes, you know the drill. Same problem as usual: the use of the phrase "less-affiliated." I have mentioned this in several other posts about Project Inspire's holiday outreach campaigns. Read them here, here, and here. (I discuss this in other posts as well, feel free to search this blog using the search feature.)
     While I find terms that appear to pass judgement on anyone's affiliation abhorrent, I was thinking about something else when I read this advertisement. This ad, like many of Project Inspire's other ads,  subconsciously serves to drive a wedge into Jewish culture as a whole, dividing us, in the words of Pink Floyd, into "us and them." This further serves to widen the gap between people who profess a desire to bring non-orthodox Jews to orthodoxy but then once they become orthodox, inevitably treat them and their children as second-class citizens.
     Furthermore, while it is very nice to give people gifts, such gift-giving can be perceived as awkward and even inappropriate in certain settings. Certain questions crop up when gifts from "acquaintances" are received: Why am I receiving this? Do I give a gift in return? Do I now owe this person something? What are the motives behind this gift? If this is a person at work, are there now concerns about job status, favoritism, and the disrupting the delicate social balance that needs to be maintained in the workplace?
     This isn't to say that there's anything wrong with a well-intentioned gift from the heart. And I'm thrilled to say that my own mom bakes honey cake and gives me one every year, but I know that there is genuine love in that gift, in addition to what has always been unconditional acceptance, even when she disagrees with choices I've made. I'm lucky to have a wonderful and diverse set of friends who are similar in that regard: we all accept each other, warts and all, without feeling the need to change each other. Such a gift from any of these people would never be second-guessed.
     I'm not sure if I've previously mentioned this, but a justification I've often heard for kiruv, not from Project Inspire, but from Chabad, was that the Jewish people should be considered like a body, and if one part of the body is hurting, the whole body works together to heal; we don't just cut people off. I think that we need to take this analogy of the Jewish people--and all people, really,--much further. Like a body, there are many different parts, and each part has its own unique qualities that make each part important. We cannot all be the spleen, nor can we all be the esophagus. We cannot all clone each other and be the left pinky toe. In order to be a whole and healthy society, we need to accept that we're not all exactly alike and weren't meant to be copies of each other, and honestly, not everyone is going to become (or wants to become) orthodox. Instead, we should respect each others' differences and see the good we all bring to our diverse communities, rather than focus on an imaginary scale of affiliation.

Welcome to Kiruv City. Speed Limit: Faster! Faster!

In Defense of the Bitter Ex-BT Blogs
A Guest Post by DK

This essay was originally posted on The Kvetcher blog in January 2007. At the time, the new power and challenge of the Internet generally and blogs specifically were being reckoned with by the haredi world in an intense way.  This article was posted in response to "The Dilemma of the Talented ex-BTs,” by Ron Coleman on the baal teshuvah [newly ultra-Orthodox] support site, Beyond BT. His piece dealt with the problems of ex-baal teshuvah bloggers specifically to the kiruv [“outreach”] movement and beyond.  “In Defense of the Bitter Ex-BT Blogs “ was my defense of this specific subset of ex-baal teshuvah writers. The Kvetcher blog is currently locked.

The focus of this essay was restricted to defending the newly ultra-Orthodox bloggers who took it upon themselves to warn others about what they witnessed,  and critique the institutions and attitudes they experienced. This repost was inspired by Brielle Levy and others who seem unwilling to recognize entry problems cause by Big Kiruv.  But it is dedicated to all who have spoken out despite their shame and fear, willing to suffer ridicule and condemnation in order to warn others of the cost and realities of joining an ultra-Orthodox enclave.

--

Ron Coleman is a black hat fellow, as he has revealed in comments on this blog as well as elsewhere.  Naturally, he is not very happy with what the "bitter ex-BT bloggers" are writing about the haredi BT world.

Coleman writes:

Because ultimately my rather mundane point, of course, is that it is a special bitterness -- I cannot say wickedness; we all are tinokos shenishbu (compared to "captured children") -- that makes a talented former BT, man or woman, do this. They do not just walk away from what they think is a car wreck of a spiritual journey but flag everyone else tooling happily along the road and swear that the bridge is out, there are monsters waiting on the next exit and that it was actually much better where they were coming from and you can't U-turn fast enough to get back there.

 And he asks, "What motivates them?"

Coleman offers that, "My armchair psychology tells me that they would rather believe the journey is an eight-lane disaster than consider whether they themselves forgot to check the oil under their own hoods before setting out."

Well, Ron is assuming that none of us take any ownership for our actions. In fact, many of us do, and frequently do not forgive ourselves for doing so.

The newly religious are "encouraged to
drive quite fast and reckless."

In the haredi BT world, you are frequently discouraged from checking under the hood. All too often, you are sent to the races, and encouraged to drive quite fast and reckless. And sometimes--go figure--you end up in a few fender benders, and get dizzy, and feel like you are going nowhere except in circles. Then when you announce you don't like this race anymore, people start changing. No one in the racetrack wants to help you, especially the referees on the side wearing the black and white outfits of authority. Instead they yell at you you for riding off the racetrack. If you're lucky,--very lucky--someone might secretly whisper in your ear that it's okay if you stop racing like you have been. But almost everyone at the racetrack just tries to get you to race some more. And then things get ugly. Because you want to reclaim your car, and some people don't approve of changing tires, new brakes, or adding gas. Definitely not adding gas.

So you go outside, and you stay kinda quiet. And you don't tell people about your racing days. Only a couple of people know. But then you see that they are opening more racetracks, and adding bleachers to the old ones, always recruiting new racers. And you see that the referees were the same ones who were there when you used to race, and are making the tracks even more dangerous in accordance with management's new rules for still better racing.

And you feel a sense of solidarity for the new racers, especially the young ones.  You want to tell them what you know about racing. And make sure they do check the oil, and make sure they don't drive too fast, that they get enough gas, and quite frankly, not to trust that the referees are on their side. Because they are not. They are simply there first and foremost to make people race as fast as they can make them, in accordance with management's wishes.

So you announce you have some questions; you have some concerns. But you are told that you have to go to customer service if you have a complaint. But they don't want to listen; they just want you to shut up. They even tell you that they will only listen to your complaint if you ask very, very nicely and politely, and don't say anything bad about the racetrack. And you see the customer service manager through the window, and it turns out, the manager is the same referee you have a problem with, or at least, is related to him.

But one day, outside the racetrack, they invent a bullhorn. And you pick it up, and stand outside the racetrack. And you start protesting the treatment of the racers, and the insanity of the racetrack.  And some people hear you, and they start listening. And you find other protesters of the racetrack, other former racetrack racers. Sometimes you stand together, sometimes you stand alone. But because you are saying bad things about the referees and even criticizing the racetrack itself, you are all declared haters of racing.  Even though some of you privately still race on your own terms, though not at a racetrack, and yeah, some of you indeed don't race all that much anymore.

But it isn't racing itself you are really against. It's the referees and the specific demands they make, as well as concern of what is expected and demanded of the racers, who seem less of a priority than the race itself, and whose individual needs and limits are casually and assiduously brushed aside, even delegitimized.

But my goal--and I believe frequently the goal of other former racers like me--is not really to stop the racers from racing, though admittedly, that isn't my concern. My concern is the racer. Because the owner of the racetrack does not speak directly, and I don't believe that the managers report to him as directly as they claim. For if they did, the racers would be surely be treated differently, and the race a different experience altogether.

If the referees and managers cannot dispute our charges but neither can they change the house rules of the race, but can only call the protesters "racer haters," then their racetracks are simply not to be considered appropriate for most new racers, particularly the youngest racers.

There are other racetracks, slower ones with wider lanes and service roads.  These must be utilized instead, or built from scratch. I don't claim to have the perfect balance. I don't claim to have all the answers. But I do have the questions.
And if the recruits don't know how to ask them, and their parents don't understand the real questions either, and the FFBs certainly have no interest in raising them on their behalf, and even the best and seasoned BTs are only willing to hint at the crucial questions lest they draw a yellow flag (it isn't hard to do), then who will ask them if we don't? Who, Ron?

You?

DK is a blogger at Kvetcher.net.

Ed. Note: This post was reposted with all of the original links intact.

Keeping it Hidden

Kiruv'd? Hide your BT status!

     Once upon a time, when I decided to uproot my secular life and become a ba'al teshuva (newly religious Jew,) I was strongly advised by an orthodox woman (who had been, decades before, a BT--ba'al teshuva,) that I should never, ever tell anyone that I was not always religious. "Tell them you're from out of town," she advised. "But don't tell them you're a BT." Of course, in my naivete, I privately laughed at this advice. I'm proud of my background, I thought to myself. I have no regrets, I'm not ashamed of anything I've done.
     Fast forward to the present time. I was researching material on the topic of what happens after kiruv workers convince the non-orthodox to take on an ultra-orthodox lifestyle. (Again, I'm talking about ultra-orthodoxy--meaning any orthodoxy that is past modern orthodoxy in observance and stringency.) I found a lot of interesting material on what those who become orthodox can expect, and much of what they can expect is kept well-hidden from new inductees during the process of becoming frum (religious.) I've included links to some pretty interesting articles, each highlighting different aspects of post-outreach ultra-orthodoxy. From how children of BTs are treated, to how FFB's [frum from birth--those who were born orthodox to orthodox parents] really feel about interacting with BTs, to the stresses of an orthodox lifestyle, to how communities enmeshed in kiruv-work are forgetting about their own community members, I've tried to create a montage of perspectives on what often happens once a person commits to an ultra-orthodox lifestyle. I hope that you'll take the time to click on the included links, and read the articles and the comments for greater insight.
     Rabbi Yakov Horowitz reprinted Catriel Sugarman's article from The Jewish Voice and Opinion, entitled "The Yeshiva World and the Children of Baalei Teshuva: The Ugly Secret," sparking a huge number of comments. Sugarman makes the interesting point that while the newly religious may think they have been fully accepted into a community, they very often find that once they have children, their kids face discrimination in school, social settings, and even later on, when it comes to getting married. Often such innocent-sounding questions on school applications for incoming students asking about the family's history, require the checking off of the box next to the term "ba'al teshuva," and for how long. These students are often treated as social pariahs, snubbed by both teachers and fellow students, regardless of how long the parents have studied Judaism in formal settings. Rare is it that the child of BTs is treated well, the article mentions, although there are exceptions, for instance, if the family is very wealthy and can contribute substantially to the school. The article provides accounts of bullying suffered by children, due only to their BT status in the community. What kiruv professionals failed to tell the parents they brought into orthodoxy was that despite teaching that a BT is considered higher up for having left the secular world and taken on the obligations of the orthodox world, BTs in the orthodox world are often treated poorly and have extremely low status.
     Sugarman's article isn't the only place that you can read about the plight of those who get past kiruv and become orthodox. A 2005 article on the Jewish Worker blog entitled "A Baal Teshuva's Fate in the Haredi World" discusses an explanation made by a woman married to the son of a ba'al teshuva. The problem, which is expressed in various articles around the internet, is that because BTs retain contact with their non-orthodox family and friends, they put the frum [orthodox] community at risk of being influenced towards a secular lifestyle, thus justifying the exclusion and alienation of the very people they worked so hard to make frum. She stated that a relative in education explained the low status and discrimination faced by BTs and their children this way:

He said that many Baalei Teshuva stay in contact with their non-religious families. Therefore they are a tremendous danger to everyone else. After all, the friends may actually see a non-religious person in the house etc.... Therefore she concluded, that it is better to hurt individual baalei teshuva then to put the whole community at harm.1

     "Humpty Dumpty Had A Great Fall," an article on Beyond BT, takes us on the journey of a person from pre-outreach to kiruv to BT to  leaving orthodoxy. The writer, whose byline is Little Frumhouse on the Prairie, vividly paints the picture of orthodox life as a BT wife and mother. She shows us how frum life can be frenzied, hectic, and both financially and mentally stressful, and can easily lead to a person leaving that lifestyle, even if the person was raised in a stable, non-orthodox environment.
     Finally, in "Chabad Fails Its Own Long Term Members, Chabadnik Says" an article found on Failed Messiah by guest writer Chabad Spring, the writer wants to "Turn Chabad Upside [down] and focus on in reach",[sic.] Chabad Spring urges his own Chabad community to curtail funding to outreach/kiruv efforts to non-religious Jews and to help their own community to maintain a decent standard of living. He talks about the extreme poverty that community members face due to the high cost of raising large families and sending them on to expensive yeshivahs. Instead, the writer points out that their own community's costs could be offset with funding that is put towards bringing more and more non-orthodox Jews to this lifestyle (including the costs of helping those on shlichos, or outreach missions--such as the families of college campus rabbis, those families running Chabad Houses in foreign cities, small towns, etc.) Chabad Spring writes:

Reality is, and it’s no secret, almost all our resources are going towards fishing for new Jews to join into our system, and making more frie[secular] people frum[orthodox].  We have Friendship circles, holocaust survivor circles, release time, youth programs for college kids, youth programs for kids who come to Chabad house, Camp Lemaan Achy,   Camps for yalday hashluchim [the children of Chabad's outreach workers],  you name it if you are not yet Frum = Chabad has something for you. Every sheliach [Chabad missionary] out there is doing his best to be mekarev yidden [get non-orthodox Jews to become orthodox], yet the fact of the matter is that there is none or little programming funds, resources, or attention paid to us, who are actually living the Chabad Working  lifestyle.[sic]2 

      In conversations on social media, I have been accused of trying to keep people from becoming orthodox. Rather than keeping people from orthodoxy, I think that most rational people understand that in making important life choices, it is beneficial to be presented with all information on these choices. That includes even the information that may be viewed as negative. Some may see this blog as providing that negative information, and question why I don't give the other side of the story. Well, that's where all of the outreach workers and their organizations come in. I am filling in the other side of the story, the side that you have to scour the internet for because those in kiruv would rather this side of the story remain hidden.


1. Bluke. A Baal Teshuva's Fate in the Charedi World. The Jewish Worker. 9/17/2005. Accessed 7/24/2013.
2. Chabad Spring. "Turn Chabad Upside and focus on in reach." hosted on Failed Messiah. 7/24/2012. Accessed 7/24/2013.

The Messiah Complex

     The first time I read "The Catcher in the Rye," I was probably about 16, and taking a high school literature class called "Psych. Lit." Several years later I had the opportunity to teach it as part of the curriculum at the high school where I was teaching. If there was one major point that never failed to make me think, it was that of Holden's Messiah complex--the inherent need to save and protect others (sometimes at the risk of one's own livelihood, happiness, success, etc.)--which comes out many times during the course of the novel. PsychologyDictionary.org defines the Messiah complex as "a complex in which sufferers have a desire to redeem and save others, some sufferers have harboured[sic] the delusion of being a saviour[sic] of people."1

     One of the many problems with ultra-orthodox Jewish outreach is the existence of this savior complex. Among individuals it may seem mild and innocuous, but on a grand scale it does exist, and I believe that it forms the basis for kiruv in the first place. A few posts ago, I wrote about the Emergency Soul Saving In Progress, in which I quoted from Project Inspire's video, "Rescue Mission, The Time Is Now." In the video, a huge point is made about how it's time to save the non-orthodox Jews from secularism. He stated that "when klal yisroel [the Jewish people] is in danger in a big way, when HaKodesh Baruch-hu's (God) children are in danger with millions of nefeshes getting lost, we need to have that same kind of outcry.... We need to help save the Jewish people."2 In this case, each person is important to bring Jews back to the fold, to save them.
     I recently read another piece written by Aliza Bulow, a convert to Judaism who has been doing kiruv for decades. In her article, she reflects on her very first time as a "Partner in Torah," in which she helped another woman learn about Judaism. When Bulow's young children asked her about her volunteer work she tried to explain that the woman she was working with wasn't "lucky" enough to grow up in an orthodox household and never learned about this type of Judaism. Bulow's children, not understanding how this was possible, responded by asking if the woman had been kidnapped when she was little. Aliza Bulow explains in her article that "she was kidnapped by pogroms that sent her family to America, by a harsh reality on these shores that was not conducive to mitzvah [commandment] observance, by public schools whose goal was to assimilated [sic] all within it’s[sic] walls, by uneducated grandparents and disconnected parents. Her neshama, [soul] and the neshamas of thousands like her, was kidnapped and held hostage, for generations, with the only ransom being Torah knowledge and the only one who can pay it being a Jew who cares enough to take the time."3 To make the connection that not being raised orthodox is like being kidnapped from Judaism upbringing is a pretty big stretch. We, the readers, should walk away with the understanding that thanks to Bulow's efforts as a rescuer of kidnapped souls, another Jewish victim of assimilation is being saved. The woman she's teaching is now regarded as having victim status. But if Bulow is the savior, and her Partner in Torah is the rescued victim, then who are the culprits? In Bulow's narrative, the parents and the grandparents are to blame, as is the public school, whose role, she believes, is to assimilate everyone. (Rather, it's to give kids a balanced education, something too often lacking in the ultra-orthodox world.)  Mrs. Bulow, a career kiruv worker who loves her job states that:

Not only do I get to do kiruv, but I get to help others do kiruv as well. Sometimes I feel like a honey bee, flying right into the heart of a city’s kiruv flower, gathering the nectar of good ideas and getting covered by the pollen of excitement and dedication so prevalent among those devoted to Klal Yisroel, then I fly to another city and pollinate: spreading enthusiasm, sharing inspiration and strengthening spirits. 

I work for Ner LeElef, a Jewish leadership training organization based in Israel, with branches throughout the world.
It’s[sic] goal is to generate growth and vibrancy in the Jewish people by cultivating strong leaders who can effectively develop and guide Jewish communities. In addition to training rabbis and their wives, and sending them out “into the field”, Ner LeElef seeks to ensure success by offering follow up care to it’s[sic] graduates as well as to other kiruv professionals.4

Aliza Bulow is sort of like a superhero-fairy, spreading good kiruv vibes to other kiruv workers, saving kidnapped souls, and attempting to influence non-orthodox Jews to take on an orthodox lifestyle. (Notice that her organization's goal is to "generate growth and vibrancy in the Jewish people by cultivating strong leaders who can effectively develop and guide Jewish communities." This is a diplomatic way of saying that they're training kiruv workers to come into your community in an effort to transform the community from secular to orthodox.) Is this outreach work even necessary? It really depends on your perspective.
  Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, a man with a very interesting history, wrote that doing kiruv is important because it will bring Moshiach [the Jewish messiah] and because it will get you a place in "the world to come." He explains that:

Even if he is ready, the Moshiach [Messiah] cannot come unless we repent. The Gemara (Sanhedrin, 67) discusses this in detail, and the Rambam (Hilchos Teshuva, 7:5) records it as follows: “Every single one of the prophets commanded repentance. Israel will never be redeemed without repentance. The Torah promises that ultimately Israel will repent at the end of their exile, and immediately they will be redeemed…”

This means that the only requirement for the coming of the Moshiach and the redemption is repentance. We have to repent. And what about our brothers…B’nai Yisroel [the children of Israel/the Jews] who are far away from fulfilling the commandments? They have to repent, too! And we have to help them come close to repentance.


There is something wonderful in the book Chovos HaLevavos (Shaar HaBitachon, Chapter 4): “A person’s good deeds alone do not make him suitable for the reward of the World to Come. G-d considers him suitable only because of two other things that he must also do: one, that he should teach others about the service of G-d and guide them in doing good…”
This concept is awe-inspiring. If a person does not “teach others about the service of G-d and guide them in doing good,” then he will not be worthy of the World to Come… Everybody who is involved in Torah needs to know this…especially today, when we are in such a dreadful situation. The only solution is for Moshiach to come, and Moshiach will only come if Am Yisroel [all of Israel] repent. That means everybody! Every member of Yisroel must come back in repentance.
We repent as individuals, but it does not seem to bother us that there are thousands of Jews who are far from Torah and the commandments. We do not even think about them. May the Heavens have mercy, we are not worthy of redemption. Every avreich [newly married and/or yeshiva student] who is occupied with Torah must help bring the unobservant back to G-d.
A leading Rav has determined that everyone is required to give a tithe of their time to helping others, which would amount to approximately one evening a week. Just once a week! Go to some place where non-observant Jews live and help them come close to Torah and the commandments.5

Rabbi Wolbe stresses that one's final redemption in the "World to Come" rests on one's responsibility to bring other Jews back to Judaism so that all of the Jews can repent and the messiah can come. His approach is to instill fear into his followers. If they want to ultimately get into heaven, they must fulfill this mission of bringing the non-orthodox to orthodoxy. Whether or not Wolbe wants to be the big savior isn't even an issue. His concern is all about getting the messiah to show up and, dammit, if that requires the saving of some souls, that's what needs to be done.
     The underlying problem with Project Inspire's video, Aliza Bulow's articles, and Rabbi Wolbe's writing is that they are all being incredibly self-righteous and selfish. They are pushing their personal agenda without regard (and in many cases, without respect,) for those who will be personally affected. Their work is for their benefit and what they think will benefit all Jews. But not all Jews are alike or support their efforts, or even want to be orthodox. Rabbi Wolbe wants to save all of the Jews by making them orthodox and bringing Moshiach. Project Inspire wants to save all of the lost souls. Aliza Bulow wants to rescue those who were "kidnapped." Holden Caulfield in "The Catcher in the Rye" also wants to save people--children, to be exact. But he's a kid, and can barely keep his own head above water. The difference is that Holden, despite being a fictional character, is sitting on a couch in a therapist's office. He'll probably be able to work through this Messiah complex. The others? I'm not so sure.


1. "What is Messiah Complex?" Psychology Dictionary. PsychologyDictionary.org. accessed 7/18/2013.
2.  qtd. from Project Inspire. "Rescue Mission--The Time is Now." Kiruv.com/articles/1204/rescue-mission-the-time-is-now/
3. Bulow, Aliza. "My First Partner in Torah." A Bite of Torah.com. February 15, 2008.
4. Bulow, Aliza. "Honey Bee Kiruv." Horizon Magazine. A Bite of Torah.com. 2007.
5. Wolbe, Rav Shlomo. "Rav Wolbe Zt”l’s Vision." Kiruv.com. July 23, 2012.